One of the few reasons for me not to want to prolong this any longer is the fact that I am too fucking stressed out to deal with bullshit. I would fucking assume that you would be the person to make me feel better, but in actuality, you make me feel like shit. I feel pathetic that you only do shit for me when you feel sorry or emote to some kind sympathy. A person can only take so much. I am a bitch when it comes to this, but I can't help it. I do not like the feeling of vulnerability; you don't neither. You should be the first person to understand why I act like this. Don't tell me to STOP because it'll go in one ear and out the other.
I'm done listening to bullshit promises. They are getting fucking old. You cannot apologize any longer; I will no longer be empathetic. I don't fucking understand why you give false hope. WHY IN THE FUCKING HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT? AND THEN FUCKING APOLOGIZE? Come on. You already know me. Why are you doing this knowing how I would react when you fucking fail me once again? On some real shit, no more. I don't like to fucking play. Emotions are not to be toyed with.
I am not difficult to please. I am materialistic, but I manage to supply my addiction since I have two fucking jobs. I only want memories. I want you to come with me to places where people can see the glisten in my eyes when you smile at me. I want kisses here and there. I want you to hold my hands, look into my eyes, and tell me that you love me. The thing is, I shouldn't have to tell you this, nor even hint it. It's fairly simple, and it doesn't cost a thing. You and I both know that I rarely ask for anything else.
Sometimes I believe that you only love the IDEA of us. You're not genuinely happy. I don't think you are. I don't want to be a filler for your void. I want to be the reason. You say I am, but I don't feel it. I try, but you are hindering me to. Actions speak louder than words is what I tell you all the time.
I have a citadel of hatred, but I still let you in. I keep myself protected because I know what kind of pain and agony it can create. I depended on you, but you have failed me. The monotony of this all just keeps destroying my mind. It's annihilating every ounce of patience I have. I don't know what to do anymore, so I'm writing a letter that I would never send to you. If you read this, that's all on you. I'll listen to whatever you have to say. I'll go along with whatever you want to do. I had investigated every corner of our status, and I assure you that I will be just fine regardless of anything that happens.
P.S.: Look on the bright side, at least you wouldn't have to deal with my bitchings anymore.