"It's up to you..

Always has, always will be.."

Peep the tan lines. =p

I'm keeping this post short and simple. Well, I'm going to try to. =]

Let me fill you in onto Mikki's current love life. Lol. I'm technically taken, but literally single.

Basically, Boyboy and I were conversing, and shit came up. I got to admit that I've been through some stuff that I'm not proud of. Yes, and half of them were instigated by me. Eh, I told him the things he needed to know. No need to flaunt what's unnecessary.

I don't force people to stay with me if/when they find some level of uncomfortableness. I understand that I have done things that can be described by being repugnant and obscene. I've done unbelievable shit that can be classified as grotesque. I changed, but it's still me. It's hard to explain, but hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. `Til this day, I can't fathom why I've done the shit that I've done. I have no choice but to take it all in. I caused this to myself, and I shouldn't blame anybody for it; of course, I don't.

A couple of months back, I met somebody who made me realize that I was a fuck-up. He made me grasp that it was not okay to be the person I was. It was not okay to not give a fuck. Actually, he wasn't the first one. He was just the one who made an impact. As uncanny as it might seem, I actually listened. Regardless from all the indifference in the world, it's in human nature to care. Even if I do well in school, my reputation outside does matter. I am a reflection of anybody who I am around with, and vice versa.

So yesterday, the past went back to the present. REWIND!

He was penalizing me for something that happened about a year and a half ago. I understand where he was coming from, so I told him that it was his choice to stay or leave. I was not going to force him to keep dealing with it. He has a choice to walk away from the problem; I don't, and never will. He doesn't have to deal with me, and everything that comes in the package.

I'm assuming that he chose to deal with all of my bullshit, but I think that his stay will just be ephemeral. Nobody lasts with me. Lol. But, it would be the best if it works out, wouldn't it be? =]

I surprised myself because I developed patience. HAHA. I'm waiting for a couple of more weeks, or months. I want to see where this goes. =]

PostScript:

One example that changed was the drinking. If you truly knew who I was, you would know that I carried a bottle with me everywhere and anywhere I went. I usually stashed two bottles in my room, incase I finish one of them. Now, I don't carry shit anymore, and no more liquor en mi cuarto.

Yessss, Henny and I broke up.

PostPostScript:

He doesn't drink, nor smoke. Ironically, I met him at the movie theaters while I was drinking liquor from a Monster can. HAHA.

OOPS!

Yes, if you guys don't know still, I am, in fact, a teenager.

Anywho, during the teen years are when most adolescents are susceptible to fuckin' up. Some parents are strict, and some parents are liberal. It does affect their kids' behavior, but at the same time their children can be influenced by a lot more things. Society plays a big role to this change. Also, momma told me that your friends are who you are; I don't necessarily believe it. Parents should just trust themselves that they taught their children well enough to know the differences between the dos and the don'ts. The whole array from toddlers to grannies make mistakes regardless on what level of severity they are. Learn from the mistakes, and move on. I understand and believe that, but, at times, it is easier said than done.

(Btw, when I have my kids, especially a daughter, I will implant a GPS tracking device on the right side of their tush. Oh yeah, sooner or later, I shall write a post about the reasoning behind this. Lol.)

I've been there done that. I'm a little more advanced than the norms, but it doesn't mean that I can't make new mistakes. I've learned the consequences for specific actions. Sometimes, I just make too many blunders that I don't even know which punishment is for what. Lol. Damn.

I like observing people, especially when they do stupid shit, and watch them react the next day with repulsion from what had happened. I find it very amusing. (I find A LOT of things amusing. If you haven't noticed yet. Lol.) Especially when alcohol is involved, the shits that I've seen are too damn funny. I understand that alcohol makes people do the most insensible shit, but at the same time, be responsible. I've seen girls give head, and seen girls get passed around from one guy to the next. I've heard stories from my boys how they smashed some broad with five other people. Really? What if those girls want to be in a serious relationship one day? How can they be honest with shit like that? Hmmm, think ahead. On the other hand, guys who fuck drunk broads are fucked up since the girls are in Lala Land.

Contrition will eat you up alive. In general, people need to learn how to cope with their blunders. It sucks because others may not know what happened, but you will. Your own person will play mind tricks and will break you down. Unless, you're a heartless person, then you have not a damn thing to worry about.

It just sucks that whatever shit you've been through, or shit you've done, the past will stay there for the rest of your life. It's implanted in your memories, and the others whom had something to do with it. Unless, you hit your head, and, somehow, wipe off your memory clean, with no severe brain damage. Lol. But, no matter how much you want to start over, the past comes back and haunts you. If other people can't accept your past, then they're not good enough for you. Your past makes you who you are at the moment. Reason why I, seldom, thank my idiocy.

As much as people want to avoid fucking up, there is always a 50/50 chance. Just live life, and be ready for the upcoming events. No reason to regret shit because there's nothing you can do about it. Just learn.

Bonus:

CLICK THE PICTURES

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Apple Picking. =p

Rules and Regulations?!

WHAT?!

Hold up.

Stop that shit.

Neat picture I saw in Google. Lol.

I love studying people. Sociology? Yes, please! Serve it on a platter.

I do over-analyze a lot of things. I also come up with the most ridiculous hypothesis and conclusions, of course, based on my observations. It's funny how I can figure shit out from the jump. Some people might think I don't know, but I can see through people. (Not x-ray vision shit, more like mentally, but not psychic powers neither. Lol.) Not all the time, of course. Lol. I can see behind smiles, and winks. I understand the gamuts of subliminal messages that ranges from a small hand gesture to a common used phrase. It's the 21st century. It's not that hard to learn behavior, especially from specific ones. I know better than falling for facades that people impose. I just go along with it. Sometimes, I'd rather live the fantasy than the reality; it's definitely more entertaining. =p

Hmmm. It's funny how I tried talking to this dude, and it was going well from the jump, and then the uglies showed up. Hm, such a familiar pattern. I already knew what I was up against. I told him that I was not the girl for him, but we both gave it a chance; whatever it is. I've been getting blitzed by rules from the 2nd or 3rd week. He tells me what to do. LITERALLY! Hmm, I'm extremely loquacious ever since I was little. He tells me to keep the talking on the minimum in front of the homies. Lol. I talk because I sense an aura of comfortableness. But, I guess I was too much. I find it very amusing. Yeah. He told me to stop drinking completely. Yes, it's a good thing, but it's one of those things that runs in my blood. I can stop getting drunk, but I can't stop drinking. Also, he keeps deleting me on Facebook. I'm assuming because I'm not following one of the rules he laid out. Lol. He told me to delete my bikini pictures. I completely understand where he's coming from, but the thing is, we are not going out. If we were, I would gladly take them down. No biggy. Plus, they aren't random pictures of me trying to show off my boobies. It was when my girls and I went to Seaside. Lol. Go figure. I got to admit that I do love the fact that he's protective, in a sense. (Keep in mind that he is about 2 and a half years older than me.) As you can tell, I love taking pictures. One of his rules is that I can't take pictures with him because I'm not his girlfriend. Lol. Yeah, it's all good though.

He is extremely cocky, but somehow not arrogant. It's hard to believe, but I can withstand the fact the he is conceited. I loathe people who are too full of themselves, but somehow, I don't get annoyed with him. Lol. He can be selfish at times, and extremely unappreciative, which sucks balls. On the bright side, we can talk about nonsensical shit. He's caring and he's nice. He senses when there is something wrong. He sometimes changes around certain people, but most people are like that; they tend to feed off of others. I need to be patient. He's a good person all in all. In my opinion, he just needs to get his thoughts together. People come and go, but nobody is the same, so in a sense, nobody is replaceable.

The thing that I don't understand is why he won't listen to me. Just little needs that I wish. Yupp, just talk. Lol. Call or text me. Why can't he ever compromise? Why does it have to be always me that got to follow some type of rule? Yeah. I know the answer. Guys like being the boss. Well, at least, he does. =p

I'm just amused of how people can be so jejune at the most infinitesimal shit. Also, it's funny how people don't know how to listen and understand at the same time. Lol. It's technically like basic ABCs.

I gots to go now. I've been awake for more that 24 hours. So, the nervous system is barely functioning. Lol. Be back soon, hopefully. =] Have a good one.

NYC

. . . is my therapy.

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September 4th.

About 2 am, I thought my homie had a tragic, intentional demise, but I found out that he lived. So, hooray! Since I was still distraught, I couldn't sleep. Eventually my lids dropped, and passed out at about 6 am. Mind that I had school, so I had to wake up in the next 30 minutes. Uhm, that didn't work out. I woke up at about 8 am. I had to wake my momma up so she can give me a ride to school, but she got pissed off.

My momma bombarded me with hurtful words I didn't need to hear. I really wasn't in the mood for anything. She ended up driving me to school anyways, but when I got home, I packed my stuff and fled to the city. I was planning to stay there for the whole Labor day weekend, but that didn't work out too well. Lol.

Secaucus Junction

NJ Transit

Anywho.. I LOVE NEW YORK CITY! I can live there, but I can't stay there for too long. I have no patience for traffic, nor the nastiness of the subways and the streets. But, I love it because it's an adventure, and some of the people I know there are worth the trip. The City relaxes me for some reason. Just being around random, uncanny people makes me feel welcome. As peculiar as that may sound, it's true. I love it. It's one of my natural highs.

September 4th continued..

YES, escape to the city! My friend took me out to eat at this burger joint, and it was fantabulous. Here are pictures from the first time we ate there. I was too hungry to take a picture from the recent one.

Union Square

Washington Square Park

September 5th.

Went to Harlem, drank, went to Times Square around 2 am, drank, walked around, bought Halal, then left.

HAHA. My vision.

Halal

In the afternoon, friend and I went out to eat. We got Thai food. It was ambrosial. We had hot sake, too. Good Stuff.

Washington Square Park

Went back to Jersey, went to a bar, drank, got home around 3:30 ish am.

THE END!

First Day!

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Yupp. It's finally my senior year. I already got homework due tomorrow, and as soon as I'm done with this, I gotta get my ass on that.

I've been wearing sneakers for my school's premiere since middle school. This was the first time that I didn't. I had the gladiators on. =] I just felt... indifferent to it all. Sneakers got me in a lot of trouble. Lol.

HAHA, it looks better in person. Trust me. It's kinda hard to take a picture of myself by myself.

I need sleeping pills, and I'm planning on getting them prescribed soon. My body is running on an hour of sleep at the moment. I hate it. I want to sleep, but I can't. I tried sleeping, but I woke up in less than 15 minutes. I don't like it because it fills my eyes with unnecessary stress marks and bags. EWWW.

I scared the shit out of myself, so I wore some sunglasses. Lol.

I shall return soon with a few more get-ups. =p

I hope everyone had a great summer.

My verano was pretty good, besides the fact that I totaled my car.